I’ve now been in jail for 3 years, 3 months, and 16 days...
I was in no way prepared for the degradation of being in this jail. To this day I still cannot be nonchalant about the cavity searches that are mandatory when returning from court. I’m considered an “adult” but not because of my age. I was never allowed to make the transition of shedding my childish innocence to fill the skin of the hardened criminal which is so forced upon me.
Minors enter the system but are forced to be adults. The only way to handle the raping of our minds, bodies, and souls is to try and fill the shoes of that adult persona. And yes, it is raping. How else would you describe the violation our bodies, our minds and emotions. An act that robs our souls and leaves us vacant vessels?
Forcing juveniles to be adults just causes more anger that comes out the wrong way. And those who hold it all in, are usually the ones who try to take their lives. I’ve met so many people whose lives of crime began because of their home lives. No, it does not give an excuse. I am not excusing the violent acts that occur. But treating children as adults is not the answer. Sending them away for long periods of time is not the reformation that is needed.
I know that this time has changed me a lot. The system calls us liars and manipulators but they’re the ones that turn us into what they call us. To see a Doctor or to even care for our basic needs we must lie and manipulate.
No matter what happens with my case, I know that I will never be the same. It’s true that all wounds heal in time but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t leave a permanent scar, because it does.
